Seen 4/30/2014 2:34 AM

Hi.

Hey there.

What's up?

Nothin' much.

Cool. 

Haha. Well, how about you?

I'm fine. Same same.

That's nice. 

It's been pretty lonely though.

Eh?

Haha. Seriously, it's been boring.

How's that so?

Dunno. Could be a number of things.

Like what?

Like, you know, the heat---god, it's hot

I know right?!

Yeah, or because it's summer

Aren't you in class or something?

We graduated together remember?

Oh yeah. Haha.

Whatever. 

Relax, I was kidding bro.

Screw you.

The hell?! Why you "screw you"-ing me for? 

Because you're an asshole. 

Why am I an asshole?

You really wanna know?

Yeah.

Well okay. First of all, how insensitive are you to reduce me to a "bro"? Me, of all people. You don't "bro" a guy you dated for three and a half years. You don't "bro" a guy you've made out for hours with. You "bro" someone who had tagay with you one time, you "bro" a fellow tambay, you "bro" a friend, a buddy, a kabarkada. I am---or was---more than that. I deserve more than a name you call hundreds of other people. I deserve either to be ignored or to be asked for another chance. Not this. Not "bro". So no, you can never call me "bro". Or bai. Or pare. 

Okay. Sorry abo---

Shut up. I'm not done. Secondly, how dare you act like you don't remember anything about us? How we met when I needed a lab partner and you got into class too late. How we bonded over five bottles of Sparkle and packs of Sweet 'n Spicy Pancit Canton. How we got to know that you were the artsy, writing guy and I was the math dork. How we fell in love despite failing grades and INCs. How we finally got our shit together and finished college, side by side, ten rows over. How dare you forget all about the life we had as best friends, as confidants---as lovers? As much as it is over, it still happened. You don't forget stupid mistakes that easily. You ought to remember us---at least the concept of us----even if it were as regrets. 

I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to hurt you, B.

Really? You didn't? You didn't mean to purposefully degrade me to mere acquaintanceship? You didn't mean to act as if I never existed? Like I never, not even once, took part in getting you to where you are now? After everything? No? 

No, not really. And well...

Well what?!

Nothing.

Tell me.

No, never mind.

Stop screwing around. Tell me. Tell me now.

Well, I mean, you know. YOU PMed ME, remember?

Memorandum of Agreement Between You and Me

MEMORANDUM OF AGREEMENT

KNOW ALL MEN BY THESE PRESENTS:

            This Memorandum of Agreement, made and entered into by and between:

            ME, referred to as FIRST PARTY, and

            YOU, herein referred to as SECOND PARTY.

WITNESSETH

            Whereas the FIRST PARTY is a man who is willing to support, encourage and make true the hopes and dreams of the woman he loves.  And whereas the SECOND PARTY is the identified beneficiary of this undertaking.

Whereof, for and in consideration of the foregoing premises, both parties hereby agree to the following:

1. That the FIRST PARTY will agree to stay by the SECOND PARTY's side, and let her know how beautiful she is despite a so-called "bad hair day".

2. That the FIRST PARTY will always let the SECOND PARTY have the last say---no matter what.

3. That the FIRST PARTY will always let the SECOND PARTY know if she has some spaghetti sauce on her cheek to prevent her from embarrassment. 

4. That the FIRST PARTY will make sure the SECOND PARTY gets to splurge on her favorite ice cream and cake when it's that time of the month---if she wants to. Well, SECOND PARTY can splurge on them anytime she wants, as long as she's prepared for the tummy-ache the next day (which FIRST PARTY will ultimately nurse and slightly nag about). 

5. That the FIRST PARTY will hold SECOND PARTY's hand, kiss her on the cheek and hug her tightly when she needs it. FIRST PARTY respects SECOND PARTY's space and will only openly show affection when SECOND PARTY asks for it. That does not mean, however, that FIRST PARTY is cold and insensitive. Both FIRST PARTY and SECOND PARTY agree on the dynamics of this.

So haters can like, back off.

6. That most importantly, FIRST PARTY will work hand-in-hand with SECOND PARTY in making sure that they both GROW and FLOURISH in their personal walks with Christ. That by the end, when  at death they do part, they are secure of the other's ultimate destination. This is the most vital prong to this memorandum, and this bears the most value to the agreement. This, in actuality, is at the very core of the whole relationship---and should stay there for the rest of their lives. 

      IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the parties hereto have signed this memorandum of Agreement by their respective duly authorized representative on the date and place written in the Lord's Word.  

Amen.

Haiku for the Tone-deaf

We never sang well
You were flat and I was sharp
But we had music

Holen

I honestly think
of all the things I become
When I'm with you
I become a marble

You know, the blue kind
With swirly things in it
Because when you look through it
You say you see the ocean

But you know it's just a marble

Goodbye February

You, my butterfly
I caught for myself to love
Lie dead in a jar

Don't ever tell ANYONE--and I mean ANYONE--what I'm about to say to you

Ok, so here's the thing. I really, really, REALLY wanna tell you something. I just don't want to say it bluntly. That would be stupid and boring. And I know how you hate that.

No, really. I wanna say it NOW, I just don't wanna come off as cheap. I mean, who would want to know something like that in such an unprofessional, impulsive, uncreative way? I want to say it at the right time, at the right moment and with all the right feelings. Just to make sure I do it right.

I don't know when will that be, and neither will you. I'm planning it to be a surprise. You know, like how the time we flipped your car off the street? Yeah, THAT surprising. Like, AMAZEBALLS surprising. 

And I want you to not think about what I said and just relax and let yourself be surprised. I seriously want to see that cute face you make when you feel like you just shat bricks. Not that I want you to actually DO that. But well, you know, you get my point.

But seriously, I really hope you would be surprised. I mean, you totally deserve to be. I'm your best friend and I want the best for you. And I believe what I'm going to say would be best for you.

Well, I don't know. I mean I WANT to say it to you, but I'm not really sure you'd react and stuff. I mean, it's all mushy and stuff...

Ok, so I'm talking too much again. And there might be that off-chance of you already finding out what this "thing" I'm going to say is. But I don't care. We say things when we feel the rush of our emotions. Ugh. Gross.

Sooo yeah, I gotta go. I'll see you later? Maybe around 5? Whatever. Just text me.

Oh, and yeah, I think we should be together. Bye. 

(I had written this well over 2 years ago for someone. Haha. Youth, so stupid-inducing)

I Can NEVER Experience LOVE

This was written well over 3 years ago by an unnecessarily angst-y me. 

"Today, I tried to write about love. About how love can change my life, how it can take me to places I've never been before, how it can make me feel like I'm someone else...

But sadly, I can't. I just can't get myself to write about something I don't know.

Honestly speaking, I've never had butterflies in my stomach. And I've never seen stars twinkle in someone's eyes.

I have never been in love. EVER.

Love must be something for someone else. It must be something reserved for people chosen by fate. It must be destined for those who deserve it. It must be for the lovers, the sweethearts, and the narcissistic.

 
I have no indulgence. And I have no aspirations. I have no love in me to give away.

And with that realization in mind, I won't even try to think that I'd ever be capable of writing about love----much more experience it."

Oh, the difference a few years can make. 

This House Believes That You Make Me Love You

Madam Chair, I would like to preempt all arguments from the opposing houses by saying that I personally DON'T CARE about whatever arguments they have. They are all MOOT. So sit down, Opp Whip. It's not even past the first minute yet.

Thank you.

So first of all, we set this debate up in my heart. Where all my love is stored. It's not about you. It's about me. So yes, in my heart. :) And the standard of this debate is whether or not this is really love. But we all know it is.  

POINT! What if it's just puppy love?

Shut up. It's not puppy love. And I never took your point. Sit down and be touched.

First argument: 

"You MOVE me"

Yes, I am the Paula Abdul to whatever you do. I'm that much of a fan. You touch that tender part of me whenever you tell me about your day. How you helped your friend staple her testpapers together. How you found an injured kitten and nursed it back to health. How you single-handedly lifted a tractor off a three-day old baby rhino. YOU. TOTALLY. MOVE. ME. 

And the best part is, I'm not white-knuckling throughout the entire story. I ACTUALLY enjoy listening and being touched by you. Promise. Cross my heart. I don't pretend I'm interested, like I do when I'm in my Filipino class. I'm honestly, and sincerely interested in listening to you doing stuff that'd normally cause me to slap the bejeezus out people if they start at it again.

With my other friends: 

Shut up! I don't want to hear about that time you didn't "know" about the long exam your teacher was to give you so you had no idea about the lessons but you topped the exam anyway.    

But with you it's like this:

WHAT?! YOU TOPPED THE EXAMS??!! WITHOUT STUDYING?!! NO FRIGGIN' WAY?!! THAT'S AWESOME!!!

And personally, I think that's a pretty good sign that I'm like, you know, TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU AND STUFF. :D

So yeah, teehee, moving on...

Second Argument:

"You UNDERSTAND me"

That in itself would make ANYBODY fall in love with ANYBODY. Understanding someone, despite everything they've done, and being cool with it means they're willing to accept them and reciprocate their feelings WHATEVER their past may have been. 

POINT! That's not mutually exclusive on your part. 

She can be understanding to everyone. 

Does that mean they deserve her, too?

May I remind you, Mr. Smarty Pants, that the debate here is whether or not SHE'S MAKING ME LOVE HER and not whether or not SHE SHOULD BE WITH ME, or SHE'LL END UP WITH ME or any other inevitable situation. So regardless of how applicable it is to any other human being, what matters in this debate is whether or not what she does contributes to my feelings towards her. 

But---

  

Third Argument:

"I simply LOVE you"

This should've been my main argument. But for drama's sake I've put it last. 

And it's all the argument I need.

It's simple as that.

I love you and that's all that matters. The fact that it's true means that you do make me fall in love with you. And the motion stands. It doesn't really need to be pointed by extensive prongs. And you CAN'T, actually. Because if you CAN, then it'd be either of two things:

a.) It'll take forever. If you're love were true, then that list would never end. 

b.) It's not TRUE love. If you've actually quantified your love for someone, you've limited it to your mere human logic. It's not infinite anymore. There are boundaries to your affections. And I don't think that's love. Well, true love that is. 

And the only way to en-capsulize all your feelings is to merely state the truth of its existence. To say that I love you and I love you NO MATTER WHAT. The next argument would merely support it, and so will the next and the next and so on. 

So, yeah.

I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT.

End of story. Gov wins.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Do you not know?

No I don’t. Know what?

  Have you not heard?

Why? What’s everybody talking about?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

He is? Well, good for Him. He’s everlasting.

The Creator of the ends of the earth.

He created all THIS? Even the BAD STUFF??

He will not grow tired or weary,

Of what? Ruining our lives??

    And his understanding no one can fathom.

Oh. Okay.

So wait a second. Let me get this straight. There’s this God that created EVERYTHING. And He’s almighty and powerful and all. And because of that, he can do whatever He wants.

And because He’s God, whatever His plans are, I’m not really in the position to judge Him for it?

Isn’t that kind of unfair for us?

 He gives strength to the weary

Oh. That’s nice of Him. But how does that make up for bossing us around, huh?

  And increases the power of the weak.

So he gives strength to the vulnerable? I’m confused. Why can’t He just give us paradise and let us be happy? Why go through so much for the same thing? I mean, he wants us to love Him, right?

Even youths grow tired and weary,

And young men stumble and fall;

Yes. WE ARE WEAK. I get it.

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

Oh. Okay. So… uh… It’s up to us?? It’s actually just our choice to LOVE you? To have HOPE in you? All we need to do is to CHOOSE to love you and YOU’LL do the rest? Will we have paradise then, yeah?

They will soar on wings like eagles;
They will run and not grow weary,

 They will walk and not be faint.

Okay. So maybe we won’t. Right away. But it’s quite amazing if you come to think of it. If you get out of your self-centered box of “me” for once, you can really see how this thing works. He MADE us. He GAVE us life. And yet, he gives us the chance to live it the way we choose to live it. 

WOW. Just… WOW.

But then we come barging into the picture, complaining about how unbearably tired we are. How weak we are. How oppressed we are. When in fact, all the energy, the love and the motivation we needed clamored for was with us the whole time. His faith strengthens us. His love nourishes us. His grace saves us. That was all what we needed to do. 

But no. We didn't do anything. We refused to open our eyes to it.

And because we have become so selfish, he actually had to send His son to DIE for us just so we could have the chance to see the truth again.

The God who made us, the God who had provided us, the God who gave us the freedom to live life to the fullest, had to BUY us from our weaknesses.  

WOW. Just… WOW.

And yet here we are, ignorant and angry.

And we never even bothered to know.

So, what do you think? Do we have conflicting beliefs? Tell me more about your opinions in the comments section. :)

WARNING: This WILL annoy you

Okay, so I wrote this about a year ago. And I'm pretty sure some people have read this. But I'm still in this phase where I'm trying to shift everything (well, all the things I want to shift, to be more specific) from my Facebook account to this blog here. Here's one of those things I just wanted to share to everyone. :D 

If you've already read this, try reading the other stuff I've put up. They're fairly new. :)

Girl:  That's strange, I thought you said you loved me.
Boy: Well yeah, I did...I mean, I do.
Girl:  Then why do you keep going out with her?
Boy: Well, since you obviously don't want me around, I went for her.
Girl:  Now that's just plain unfair.
Boy: What's unfair?
Girl:  You liking her and loving me.
Boy: What's wrong with that?

Girl:  You LIKE her, and go out with her... but you secretly want me MORE.
Boy: Isn't that way too harsh? I mean, I DO like her and all--
Girl:  Harsh? Well, isn't loving her---or rather, making her believe you love her---a lot harsher?
Boy: Now wait a sec. I told you. I DO love her. Really, I do.

Girl:  Yeah, but the fact remains that you want me MORE.
Boy: What are you trying to say?
Girl: What do you mean?
Boy: I mean, you already told me you don't like me and that you don't want me around. So I chose to go out with someone who actually likes being with me. NOW you tell me I'm being cruel to her all because I honestly want you more---despite knowing I'll never have you. I'm getting confused. What DO you want me to do, really? Tell me.

Girl:  Well, simple. Leave her and continue wanting me.
Boy: WHAT?! Now that's just fu--- That's just ABSURD.
Girl:  No, it's not.
Boy: Yes, it is.
Girl: NO, IT'S NOT. Listen, it's your fault that you want me more than anything else. I can't do anything     about that. But if you're just going to be with someone who falls short of your love for me---just because you can't have me---IS JUST PLAIN EVIL. Why? because no matter WHAT you do, now matter how much you say you love her, you'd still end up not having the girl of your dreams: ME. And when the day comes when you DO get the opportunity to love me, I'm pretty sure you'll leave her and take that chance. Don't do this to her, please. Don't bring her into your mess of a life if you don't intend to clean it up for her. If you really want her, LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. She deserves nothing less.
Boy: Ok then, if that's what you want, tell me, how the HELL can I do that? You're here. You're IN. MY. LIFE.
Girl: That's YOUR problem. Not mine. And it should definitely not be her's.
Boy: So what am I supposed to do then? Wait for you to come to me? Wait for you to at least be free? What about me? Why can't I be loved? How can you make me wait for something IMPOSSIBLE.
Girl: Well... then you don't love me after all.
Boy: What? I never said that.
Girl: If you truly love me, you wouldn't believe in impossibility.
Boy: So... are you trying to say that... you love me?
Girl: No, I'm not. But What I'm saying is that the possibility is still there. You just have to truly believe in it. stick with it. Who knows, someday it MIGHT come true.
Boy: Then if that's the case, you're not worth the wait. (walks away)
Girl: (To herself) And sadly, you aren't as well.

What do you think? Did it annoy you? Tell me more about how you feel about this in the comments section. :)

To the Love of my Life

Never in my life have I felt such a connection as great as this. The very core of my soul longs for you---and you only. That is how much I want you.

But then, as often as I fall in love, I do not receive it in return. Truth be told, I have not experienced a tangible reciprocity of affection. Nor have I truly given it.

And then it dawns on me:

Am I that much of a wretched man to not be worthy of receiving and enjoying the ecstasy and satisfaction of true love?

Probably so. For I, as the liar that I am, have fooled the hearts of many a man and a woman. I am even more of a wretched monster than I could even think of. I have lied every day about what I am, who I long for and the dreams I yearn to achieve. I lie to the world that my very existence aims for all to be well---when in fact, what I want is simply to love, and be loved in return.

But, as it is with all selfish ambitions, that cannot be. For a greater power beyond us had not made us to love and live as such. And that is the law. It cannot be broken---and it is rightfully so.

Which is why I write this, o love of my life, this letter which bears the pain of a love I cannot share with you, a love I cannot receive from you, and a love I cannot withhold from you.

I write this with the hope that one day, destiny would be so very kind as to give you the chance to read this, to realize that it is you who I write of and to give that much elusive pleasure of knowing that somewhere in this seemingly heartless world, someone loves you.

August 4, 2012

I hate it when we fight
It's painful and it hurts
Well, for me
Because I'm the emotional one

It starts with a quip
And ends with a whip
Of hurtful words
And jabs of mean
and evil
And it's painful
Well, for me
Because I'm sensitive

And what's worse is that
Everyone else chooses sides
And they always choose yours
Always yours
Never mine
They comfort you
Understand your points
Agree with you
And try to make you feel better

But not me
They never pick me
They never try to make me feel better
They never tell me "it's gonna be okay".
And "I feel for you"

And I know why
I know why they always choose you
I hate to admit it
And I know you know it too
That's why you have so much fun
Making me cry
Showing me
Telling me
Proving to me
That they like you more
That they choose you more
And just love you more
Because I'M the ugly one.

And you know I'd need you
More than you'll need me
Because you'll always be okay
And that's why you hurt me
And make me cry

They would always, always pick you
And tell you you're doing great
And there's nothing they could hate.
And that you're only human.
You make mistakes.

And I can't.
And I'll never be good enough.
And that I try too hard
And that no one really cares
And that I have no right to be emotional
Or sensitive
Or hurt
Because I'M the ugly one.