The Principles of Incarnational Witness (Poster)

Here's something I did for the 2012 YoungLife Asia-Pacific New Staff Training. 

This list is missing something, though. "Friendship" is supposed to be on it. 

Sorry about that. :(

SIKAT (A Short Story)

Mama took me to an audition today. I’m not sure kung anong role ang ipapa-audition niya, but I’m thinking it’s for a tween show. Ewan ko sa kanya. Personally ha, I’m really not into those I’m-cute-and-innocent-pero-I’m-totally-capable-of-making-out-type of roles. It’s kinda cheap, eh. I’m thinking more of some hot asian chick in Glee. Yaaan, yan ang role na bagay sakin.

But mama never listens. All she wants me to do is where these god-awful dresses tita Joseph makes in his spare time (I mean, no offense ha, I know he’s bakla and all, but that doesn’t mean he’s automatically fashionable). I keep on asking Mama why she insists on having me audition for these “roles”, but she NEVER gives me an answer aside from, “Basta anak, Just trust me. Bagay na bagay sa ‘yo to”.

And I always do. Mama ko siya, eh.

Kaya ayun, we went to ABS-CBN---which took us like, forever because mama had to fix her hair a million times (which is weird because she only spends 5 minutes on MY hair). Pero in fairness ha, she takes care of my skin ala Vicky Belo. May pa-takip-takip pa sa mukha ko everywhere we go. Para raw mas magiging maputi at flawless ang skin ko. Like Sarah Geronimo. Yuck. Anyway, when we arrived dun sa ABS Compound, we went straight to the auditioning room sa 3^rd floor.

I always love going there. It smells great and sosyal. Also, the hallways have these numerous shiny tarpaulin posters of the studio’s biggest stars covering the walls. And as mama scurried her way to meet up with her “fixer” Kuya Jepoy, I took that “alone time” as an opportunity to saunter down the hall, softy gliding my fingers along the flawless, lineless faces of the country’s most beautiful people.

Sharon. Kris. Gary V. Ang dami. Everyone who’s someone had their faces put up dun. Lahat sila sikat. Lahat sila minamahal. Shet, naiinggit na naman ako.

“Be the next Sharon.” It said under Ate Shawie’s poster. I’ve seen a poster of her doing the exact same smile. Well, her smile is the same naman sa lahat.

After reading the tagline again, I thought to myself, Why would anyone want to be the next Sharon? Yeah, she’s got the looks and voice for fame, pero you know, she’s had her super gwapo ex-husband leave her, her husband right now has a jillion kabits and her daughters can’t act. And what’s worse, she’s getting fatter and fatter everyday. As in. Siya na nga ang host ng The Biggest Loser.

And as I went on, I found myself staring at their faces one by one. Paano sila naging sikat? Did they really have to put out to get a role? I found myself questioning the credibility of each of the actors and actresses I looked at. But not long after I reached Vice Ganda’s tarp (which was sobrang Phinotoshop, by the way), I heard mama running down the hall calling out my name.

“Joraida! Jo! Joraiiiidddaaaaa!” Her voice echoed down to where I was. People started looking around, obviously irritated by my mama’s nasal voice. My gahd, nakakahiya!

“Hay nako. San ka ba galing?” She asked when she found me. “Hinihintay na tayo ni Kuya Jepoy mo.” She looked excited. I wasn’t at the very least. This was not how I wanted my showbiz career to start. Gusto ko yung may ‘a talent scout found me in a sea of common faces’ na drama. Charos.  

I still followed her, though. But as we entered the door of the auditioning room, I looked at her and she knew right away what I was about to ask her.

“Basta anak, Just trust me. Bagay na bagay sa ‘yo to.”

I sighed. Of course, yan naman talaga ang sagot nya eh. Although ngayon, parang mas confident siyang pakinggan. Ewan.

“Remember anak, yung itinuro ko sa’yo ha? Mouth closed, chin up and act natural lang. Gayahin mo lang tatay mo.”

I nodded and approached the tall, bald bakla with the scarf around his neck. I’ve met Kuya Jepoy before when mama brought my cousin Joemar to audition for Goin Bulilit. I can still remember how he kept asking my mom about me. Good thing di pinayagan ni mama si Kuya Jepoy na kunin yung pantakip ng face ko. Masisira na talaga yung skin ko.  

“Ay, Inday. I’ve been waiting to see you. Your mama has kept on bragging about you when we have mahjong.” Kuya Jepoy blurted out when I approached him.

I couldn’t help but smile when I heard that. Naks naman. That was the first time I heard someone say that my mama was proud of me. I know she loves me pero I can’t think of a reason why she should be proud of me. I mean, di naman ako nag-eeskwela. I rarely get out of the house, I’m not part of ANY dance crew, di rin ako sumasali sa mga pageant-pageant sa barangay. Wala talaga. Kaya ayun, na-touch talaga ako dun.

“So Inday, why don’t you just stand diyan sa may naka-ekis sa sahig?”

I went to where he told me to stand and as soon as I got there the lights were suddenly turned on. I looked around and saw that there more than ten people in the room. Mama was still by the door smiling nervously and Kuya Jepoy was by the large camera waving to his other crew members. Na-conscious agad ako. Di kasi ako sanay na tinititigan ng maraming tao.

“Ok, Inday. Tanggalin mo na yang takip sa mukha mo.” Kuya Jepoy said with a smile.

“Sige po.”

I took the long black scarf off and let it drop on the floor beside me. When I did so, soft gasps travelled across the room. Parang echo.

“Homaygad…” Kuya Jepoy said with sheer surprise in his eyes. I looked around and saw the same expression on everyone’s faces. Maliban nalang sa kay mama. Sanay na sanay na sa kagandahan ng fez ko.

“What’s y..your name nga, I…Inday?” Kuya Jepoy finally managed to say after what seemed like hours of dead silence.

I looked at my mom. Pano ko mame-maintain ang “Closed mouth, chin up, act natural” rule niya eh, may tinanong si Kuya Jepoy?

She nodded reassuringly. Pwede kong sagutin yun.

“Joraida po.”

Another wave of gasps echoed throughout the room. I heard comments like “Grabe, pati ang boses!” and “San ba nakuha ni Jepoy yan?” follow the gasps.

“P…pakisabi nga u..ulit ng name mo.”

“Joraida Adelfa Macatangay Elumba po. Joraida tawag sakin ni mama.”

Shet. Ano ba to? Parang may mali sa atmosphere. Why does everyone look scared? Di ba enough ang beauty ko?

I looked at my mother with tears in my eyes. I knew I wasn’t getting the role. Another one down the drain. Palagi na lang. I felt sorry talaga for my mom. All her bragging was for nothing. Pero at least, naka-harap talaga ako sa camera. All those other auditions, eh hanggang linya lang ako. They always pick the girl they want before they even got to me.

But still. My mama would be doubly disappointed.

“Excuse me, Jorraida? Jorraida?”

I snapped out of my pagkatulala and saw that Kuya Jepoy was trying to catch my attention.

“Po?” I replied immediately.

“Pwede ka bang sumama sa amin?”

“Ho? Ano po yon?” Kinabahan na ako ng konte. A million thoughts ran through my mind. Did I do something wrong? Are they kicking me out of the building?

“Sabi ko, pwede ka bang sumama sa amin? We’re giving you the role and we want you to sign the contracts now.”

I was stunned. My knees felt weak and my heart started racing. Did I hear that right? Are they really giving me the role? Is this really it? Ito naba ang simula ng career ko sa industriya? Isasama na ba ako sa mga mukhang makalagay dun sa hallway? Hindi talaga ako makakapaniwala. Nawawalan na ako ng hininga.

“So, what’s your decision? Sasama ka ba?”

“Oo po. Sasama talaga ako!” I beamed and turned to look at mama. She wasn’t by the door. I looked around and she wasn’t in the studio room also. Baka nag-CR. Nerbyosa kasi yun.

“Halika na, punta na tayo.” Kuya Jepoy motioned his other members to come with him. One of them took my scarf and covered my face with it. I had chills run down my spine. May PA na ako agad. Sosyal!

I suddenly remembered mama and how she hasn’t come back yet. She might wonder as to where I went.

“Kuya Jepoy, si mama? Di po ba natin siya aantayin?”

“Ay Inday, don’t worry. Ok lang yung mama mo. She’ll catch up with us later”

I nodded. And slowly walked after Kuya Jepoy with my head down. Di pwede ang paparazzi ngayon.

We passed by the row of posters I paraded through kanina. I couldn’t help but imagine my face plastered on one of them in the future. Photoshopped, yes. But famous pa rin.

Pero my gash, di talaga ako makakapaniwala na nangyayari talaga to. People walked by us waving to other employees who were with us, and occasionally squinting their eyes to see kung sino tong nakatakip ang mukha. Ngingiti lang ako sa ilalim ng scarf ko. Sooner or later, they’d realize na ako na pala ang susunod na hot item ng showbiz.

And that they had passed by me. (And even passed me over some girl who can simply cry on cue.)

Ha. Karma talaga. Bitch kung bitch.

My thoughts were interrupted by two employees chattering loudly as they passed by us. Parang si mama pag-nagmamajhong.

“Hoy, mare. May nagsabi sakin na may babaeng tikbalang raw na nadiscover dito sa building.” Said one of the women.

“Oo nga e. Totoo kaya yun?” the other replied.

I heard Kuya Jepoy scoff at the last girl’s comment. Ako din, napangiti. Mga chismosa talaga tong mga to. Why would anyone even think of a finding a tikbalang in the station?

But I didn’t give it much care. Petty thoughts lang yun. At saka, dumating na kasi kami sa kung saan mag-cocontract signing.

“News and Current Affairs Department”ang sabi ng door sign.

Weird.

Press conference agad? Bilis naman.

“Wag kang likot, ok Jorraida?” Kuya Jepoy whispered to me as we went in the conference hall, “Let me do all the talking.”

I looked around. Wala pa rin si mama. But I know she’ll come soon. I mean, siya pa? Tamang-tama nga siya eh. Bagay na bagay pala sakin to.

Thirst

There are moments when I feel empty,

I lose all emotions.

I lose all feelings or sensations.

I just suddenly become numb.

It strikes quite often, 

Usually at night.

While I'm lying in bed

Just when my right eye starts drooping.

I sit up when it does.

Go out, get some water.

Drink, pause, then smile.

Water can't fill the void----of course not.

I'm just not thirsty anymore.

Orbital

They commenced the battle.
The orbits changed.
Revolutions stopped.
They do not want to go on.
Not like the planets.
They stopped.

The Martians came for peace.
They wanted alliance.
But they shot them down.
Killed them.
Mutilated them.
They showed no mercy.

And here we are
In a battle for the system.
Guns blazing.
Ships warmed.
And here we are
In Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune

Comets pass by
Asteroids continue to collide
Earth still spins.
Yet, here we stand.
In a battle for a mirage.
With Pluto's guns starting it all.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Do you not know?

No I don’t. Know what?

  Have you not heard?

Why? What’s everybody talking about?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

He is? Well, good for Him. He’s everlasting.

The Creator of the ends of the earth.

He created all THIS? Even the BAD STUFF??

He will not grow tired or weary,

Of what? Ruining our lives??

    And his understanding no one can fathom.

Oh. Okay.

So wait a second. Let me get this straight. There’s this God that created EVERYTHING. And He’s almighty and powerful and all. And because of that, he can do whatever He wants.

And because He’s God, whatever His plans are, I’m not really in the position to judge Him for it?

Isn’t that kind of unfair for us?

 He gives strength to the weary

Oh. That’s nice of Him. But how does that make up for bossing us around, huh?

  And increases the power of the weak.

So he gives strength to the vulnerable? I’m confused. Why can’t He just give us paradise and let us be happy? Why go through so much for the same thing? I mean, he wants us to love Him, right?

Even youths grow tired and weary,

And young men stumble and fall;

Yes. WE ARE WEAK. I get it.

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

Oh. Okay. So… uh… It’s up to us?? It’s actually just our choice to LOVE you? To have HOPE in you? All we need to do is to CHOOSE to love you and YOU’LL do the rest? Will we have paradise then, yeah?

They will soar on wings like eagles;
They will run and not grow weary,

 They will walk and not be faint.

Okay. So maybe we won’t. Right away. But it’s quite amazing if you come to think of it. If you get out of your self-centered box of “me” for once, you can really see how this thing works. He MADE us. He GAVE us life. And yet, he gives us the chance to live it the way we choose to live it. 

WOW. Just… WOW.

But then we come barging into the picture, complaining about how unbearably tired we are. How weak we are. How oppressed we are. When in fact, all the energy, the love and the motivation we needed clamored for was with us the whole time. His faith strengthens us. His love nourishes us. His grace saves us. That was all what we needed to do. 

But no. We didn't do anything. We refused to open our eyes to it.

And because we have become so selfish, he actually had to send His son to DIE for us just so we could have the chance to see the truth again.

The God who made us, the God who had provided us, the God who gave us the freedom to live life to the fullest, had to BUY us from our weaknesses.  

WOW. Just… WOW.

And yet here we are, ignorant and angry.

And we never even bothered to know.

So, what do you think? Do we have conflicting beliefs? Tell me more about your opinions in the comments section. :)